Last night I found myself putting 5 1/2 year old Sebastian to bed for maybe the third time. Unable to turn off his whirring brain, he said to me, “I love you! Mama? You look like the smallest kind of monkey.” I knew he must have thought of this clever comparison because of my hair, which was looking quite wild having been somewhat dirty and relishing in its recent release from the top knot it had been confined to all day. I responded with a, “Thank you!.” But Seb is very polite and I think realizing that maybe I would take this comment the wrong way, explained the similarities between my hair and the monkey it had brought to mind.
As I went to bed and even as I awoke various times throughout the night, I thought very seriously to myself about Seb’s comment, and couldn’t help but think, “What more could I really want?” I’ve never exactly dreamed of being compared to a monkey, but in that moment, there was this sweetness of real life. Who cares what I look like. This child can find joy in even the worst of my hair days or nights. The honesty, openness, and complete lack of fear of what other people will think is really just a bundle of raw beauty and innocence. To try new ideas without fear of what others will think and to love fiercely, for few love as fiercly as children.
And few are as creative. This morning I spied Sebastian trying to do a puzzle with socks on his hands. I can’t type this without laughing. It suddenly seems that the only way to spend this day is in relishing in this silly and profound privilege of creativitiy and security that can be found within these walls. It is a place where I’m loved, even if it seems I would look more at home swinging from trees in the deepest jungle.
It strikes me as a little funny, then, that I’m doing this terribly vulnerable thing of starting a blog when I could very easily remain safe and secure in my little home-space. After all, the mere mention of having a blog can earn one a multitude of judgey looks and even judgier thoughts. But the reason I’m here is not to advance myself or find validation in throngs of followers. I am here out of a desire to be faithful, to live with others, and to use my gifts to encourage others.
So thanks for being here. I look forward to our conversations and am excited to see what we create.
Written October 27, 2015
Image by Joanna Christine Photography